


The Birdcage

by sadlybunny



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comedy, Dan Howell is a drag queen, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Phil Lester is a club owner, Weddings, inspired by “the birdcage” (1996)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24441796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadlybunny/pseuds/sadlybunny
Summary: Phil Lester is the owner of the popular drag club, The Birdcage. Dan Howell, his long term partner, is the headlining queen “Amethyst Star”. But when Phil’s son comes to them with important news, their relationship is threatened by the promise of new in-laws who might not know that Phil is gay.basically, how i’d imagine “the birdcage” (1996) if it was dan and phil. you don’t need to know the film to read!
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 48
Kudos: 28





	1. why don’t you do right?

Phil stumbles around sweaty bodies as the familiar tune of the club’s weekend playlist pumps through the oversized speakers mounted on the ceiling. Purple light reflects off of the extravagant outfits of the guests who are throwing their bodies about on the dance floor. Phil navigates through all the people grinding on each other, greeting a few regulars on the way. He feels confident enough in his white blazer that was layered over a half open button-up to sway a bit to the music so that no one would suspect any problems backstage. He keeps a cool and confident demeanor, as he has for the 18 years he’s been running The Birdcage. 

In reality, Phil is having a nervous breakdown. There is only 10 minutes until the show is starting, and his stage manager Jimmy had just sent him a text that simply read “emergency w Dan”. He rushes up the steps that were covered in glitter and ducks behind the black velvet curtains. 

Jimmy turns to face Phil, relief washing over his face. “You need to get to his dressing room. He says he won’t go on,” Jimmy runs an anxious hand through his hair. “He says he doesn’t want to see you, but...”

“It’s fine.” Phil assured Jimmy. “I’ll go up.” 

Phil knows better than all of the staff in the club, and even all of the other queens, that Dan could be a bit dramatic at times. Even if Dan claimed he didn’t want to see Phil, he was sure he’d get in trouble later for not going up to check on him. 15 years together has this drilled into Phil by now. 

He ascends the stairs behind the stage to the door labeled “Amethyst Star”. He knocks softly before turning the knob and entering. 

Dan is laying on his chaise lounge, covered only by a silk black robe. His makeup is completed, down to the very last detail, but his real hair is covered only by a wig cap, rather than the usual black wig. Phil takes a second to admire the intricate details of the artwork on Dan’s face, taking an extra bit of time focusing on his perfectly over-lined red lips, before speaking up. 

“You wanted to see me.” It’s not a question. Phil knows anything Dan could possibly be upset about so close to the curtain rising would only be a cry for Phil’s attention. 

Dan groans. “I’m not in the mood to see you now, Phil. And you know I hate when you see me like this.” Dan has a slight pink tinge to his cheeks from the feeling of being exposed, only half done-up. “I’m not going on and you’re not convincing me to, either”. Dan moved from the chaise lounge to his vanity mirror, staring into his reflection. 

“Darling,” Phil comes closer to Dan. “I cant say I know what’s bothering you. But if you’re not going on, someone else will have to fill in for you.” 

“I don’t give damn about the show right now, Phil Lester.” Dan shifts his gaze to stare at Phil in the mirror. “Look at me! I used to be young and happy. You made me this way, Phil. Now i’m just a washed up drag queen who’s fame doesn’t even extend past the borders of London.” 

Phil rolls his eyes. “I made you old?”

“You don’t love me anymore.” Dan crosses his arms. 

Another eye roll. “Don’t say things like that. You’re beautiful and I love you. But you’re being a pill. You know that half of the people who come here come to see you-“

“There you go again, on and on about your show. Why is it always about the show?” Dan turns around in his chair to face Phil. “It’s never about you and me.”

Phil gets closer to Dan. “It’s always about you and me.” He gently puts his hands on Dan’s cheeks, being careful not to smudge his makeup. “You’re my star, my partner, my everything. Without you, I’d-“

“Why is there white wine chilling in the fridge?”

Phil drops his hands. 

“What’d you mean?” 

“I only drink red. And so do you.” Dan stands. “So why is there white wine in the fridge?” 

Phil lets out a laugh that is supposed to sound casual, but instead comes out forced. “I like white wine now. What kind of question is that?” Phil lightly pushes Dan’s shoulders into his seat again, and kneels beside him. He grabs his stockings from the makeup table and starts rolling them over Dan’s legs. “You need to finish getting ready if you’re going to be doing this show.” 

Dan pushes Phil to the ground and straddles him. “What do you do when I’m on stage? When I’m out there killing myself for you?”

“Nothing, I lie here.” Phil deadpans. 

“I know there’s another man.” Dan crosses his arms in defense. “You don’t need to lie to me. 15 years and now you’re sick of me.” 

“Dan-“

Jimmy barges into the dressing room. “Dan, you have five minutes. If you’re not going on, we’re sending Carmen in your place.” 

Dan’s eyes go wide and he scrambles to his vanity. “I know they’re here for me, a knockoff will upset the audience beyond belief!” Dan begins touching up his makeup from where tears had begun to smudge it. “Tell that bitch Carmen she can steal my show when I’m dead.”

Jimmy awkwardly bows out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Phil gets up and moves behind Dan’s chair, where he begins to massage Dan’s shoulders as he adjusts his wig. Dan doesn’t hesitate even a second to slap his hands away. 

“Out, you. I need space to finish getting ready if I only have five minutes.” 

Phil sighs, rubbings his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. He kisses Dan’s cheek and makes his way out of the dressing room and backstage to Jimmy. He assures him that Dan is coming on, and in four minutes takes the microphone and prays to god that Dan is on stage right. 

Phil taps the mic as the lights go out. “Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, the incomparable...Amethyst Star”

Phil makes his way into the audience as the music begins to play. The familiar tune of Dan’s signature routine fills the club, and the audience goes completely silent. Phil watches from behind the tables most of which are full of their most prestigious and influential guests. 

Dan’s leg emerges from the curtain as he begins to sing. Phil lets out a sigh of relief. He took his drag inspiration widely from what he believed to be ridiculous female beauty standards, and the Disney cartoon Jessica Rabbit was one of his favorites. Her dramatic and completely unrealistic face and body only made her more appealing to Dan. He described his drag persona as “if Jessica Rabbit was full of existential dread and also really liked the color black”. This was why Dan’s favorite, and his most well known routine, was singing the song “Why Don’t You Do Right” that Jessica performs. 

Phil smiles. As always, the audience roars when Dan reveals his whole body from behind the curtain. His deep, sultry voice fills the dark club. He was the only queen at this club who sang rather than lip-syncing, which Phil figured was another reason why he’s such a fan favourite. A single spotlight shines on him, reflecting off of his sparkling black gown that hugged his artificial curves. Phil admires the slit that exposes his long leg as he moves around the stage. 

Dan continues singing while he moves around the stage, picking up tips from the loving audience with lace gloved fingers and stuffing them into the bodice of his gown. He makes eye contact with Phil as he shimmies down the stage wall, staring him down as he sings straight to him, “Why don’t you do right, like some other men do?” He knows Dan is probably still mad, but Phil blows him a kiss. Dan ignores him for his choreography, raising his hands above his head and standing back up against the wall. Phil still finds it thrilling that someone who can perform like this comes home with him every night. But, he remembers the business he has to attend to upstairs. Surely, Dan will assume that Phil had things to do around the club; He could be checking in with the bar, talking with Jimmy backstage, or sitting with the important regulars who keep the club one of the hottest spots in London. 

Phil makes his way up the stairs in the back to the connected entrance to his and Dan’s luxurious apartment that sits above The Birdcage. He grabs two glasses from the kitchen, and a bottle of chilled white wine from the fridge. 

“So you are seeing someone else.” Jimmy speaks up and Phil nearly jumps out of his skin. 

“Jesus Jim, what are you doing in here?” Phil smooths out his blazer. “There’s a show going on.” 

Jimmy stands from the couch. “Obviously Dan told me about how he was suspicious of you.” Jimmy walks back to the door that connected to the club. “I just didn’t think it would be true.” Jimmy exits the apartment to continue handling the show. 

It was normal for Jimmy to let himself into the apartment, since they kept the door unlocked, but usually it was when he needed a break, and not actually during a show. Phil clears his throat and makes his way onto the balcony. He’ll deal with Jimmy later. 

The light from the hot tub illuminates the dark balcony, and wavy reflections cover the walls of the house. Candles are lit around, and Phil makes his way over to the young brunette who is relaxing on a lounge chair. He sits next to him and hands him a glass of the white wine. 

“Hi love.” Phil watches him take a long sip of wine. “How are you?”

“I came by because I needed to talk to you.” The young man sits up on the lounge chair.

Phil places his hand on top of the brunette’s. “You know you can talk to me about anything.” 

He locks eyes with Phil. “I’m getting married.”

Phil stands. “I don’t understand.” 

“It’s just that. I met a girl at school and we’re getting married.” 

Phil stares down at him. “How long have you even known this girl, Matt?” 

Matt stands too. “I’m not changing my mind. I’m getting married and that’s it, Dad.” He looks up at his father. “She’s a great girl. Really special. I know you’ll like her, and so will Dan.” 

Phil sighs. “You know I trust your judgement.” He pulls Matt into a hug. “But I can’t promise Dan will be calm about this.” Phil squeezes him tighter. “I’m happy for you.” 

“Thanks, Dad.” They separate, but Phil keeps an arm on Matt’s shoulder. “Will you tell Dan for me?” 

Phil sits on the lounge chair again. “He’s not very happy with me right now.” He rubs his eyes. “I’ll tell him, but if he gets mad, it’s on you.” 

Matt laughs. “I’ll stay here until you meet her, yeah?” 

“Of course, love.” Phil grabs his wine. “We’ll be happy to have you. I haven’t touched your room if you don’t count Dan’s incessant cleaning.” 

Matt smiles and stares at his dad from the doorway. “Goodnight, Dad.” 

“Night, kid. You’ll see Dan in the morning.” Matt shoots him a thumbs up and makes his way into the flat. Phil sighs into his hands. Now he only has this whole mess with Dan to clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Obviously, this is heavily inspired by the American film “The Birdcage” which was inspired by the French play “La Cage aux Folles”. It’s one of my favourite films, I’d highly recommend! Future chapters will be longer, and this work will be completed! :)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr for updates @sadlybunny


	2. come little dream and play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tells Dan that their son is getting married.

The night has completely taken over, covering the sky in a thick dark blanket of black. The stars peek through, but Phil is distracted by how beautiful the moon looks tonight. All he can think of is Dan, Dan, Dan, and how beautiful he looked tonight, how irresistible he was during his performance, and how much he would love to be staring at the moon with him right now. 

It’s nearing one AM, so Phil knows he won’t have to wait for long. 

That thought is cut short by Dan storming into the apartment and straight out to the balcony to see Phil. He slams (or tries to slam) the sliding door behind him. 

“Aha!” He points to the two wine glasses next to the bottle of pinot on the table next to Phil. 

“Wait-“ Phil starts, but is quickly cut off by Dan removing a pump and throwing it at him. 

“Who is he?” Dan looks like he’s ready to grab his things and head to the streets in full drag and only one shoe. “Who’s the little hussy that’s been entertaining you while I’m out there making all your money?” Dan yells.

“Would you relax?” Phil grabs the hand that was just waving in his face. “It’s Matt.” Phil slips the heel back onto Dan’s foot. “Go check his room if you don’t believe me.”

Dan’s face softens. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Knowing Dan, Phil figures now isn’t the time to tell Dan about the wedding they’re probably about the foot the bill for. He’s also just not up for the shrieking tonight. “Surprise?” 

Dan rolls his eyes and heads into the flat. He removes his loud heels as he makes his way to Matt’s room, and opens the door. Sure enough, Matt is fast asleep in his bed. Dan tuts and gathers his laundry from the floor, presses a kiss to Matt’s hair and leaves. 

After sorting the laundry, he gets dressed in something more comfortable, removes his wig, and wipes off as much makeup as he can. He heads back out to the balcony and slips into Phil’s lap. 

“I wish you would’ve told me it was Matt you were seeing.” Dan sighs as Phil kisses his neck. “I wouldn’t have had to be so upset before the show. Do you know how hard it is to perform like that when I’m upset?” 

Phil continues kissing him and mumbles “Yes, dear.” 

Dan rolls his eyes. “It doesn’t matter now.” He lets his eyes flutter closed as Phil continues to kiss around his neck, the back of his hair, his ear. “But I’m leaving early in the morning to get some groceries. We’re hardly prepared to have a guest right now.” 

Phil hums his approval into Dan’s hair, and Dan stands up. “I need to go wash the woman off of me.” He opens the sliding door, and when it’s half closed, peeks out. “Are you coming?” 

Phil grins and scrambles to follow Dan in. 

-

In the morning, Dan makes his usual rounds through the market, picking up the essentials and a few extras along the way. If he stands out in his extravagant jewelry and open black button up that he tucked into baby blue mom jeans, he isn’t bothered. 

He greets everyone around the market that recognizes him from every other week he comes round, and makes his way to the bakery. He’s greeted by the baker, Mr. Boyington, who is always excited to see Dan again. He orders a cake for Matt that he requests to read “To my piglet, from his auntie” and heads back to the flat. 

When Dan enters the kitchen, he’s greeted by Jimmy. 

“Ah, good morning, Jimmy.” Dan smiles as he kisses his cheek. “Are you staying for breakfast?” 

“Figured I might as well.” Jimmy takes some of the bags Dan is carrying. “I’d like to see Matthew, too.”

“Ah.” Dan makes his way to Phil, who is sitting at the breakfast bar sipping coffee. He kisses him quickly. “God, you need a shave.” Dan mumbles to himself, before retrieving the laundry basket with Matt’s clothes and beginning to fold. “Is Matt still asleep?”

“Mhm.” Phil is still absently sipping his coffee. 

“I wish you would’ve told me he was coming.” Dan continues to fold Matt’s clothes. “I’m so ashamed of the way I acted last night. But how could I have known?” Dan crosses his arms and stares at the laundry basket. “The truth is, you can’t stand sharing your son with me. Always pushing me away.” Dan tuts. “What is this, oh that boy.” He holds up Matt’s white button up from the night before. “Look at this, I send him so many shirts and he only ever wears this one.” He glances up at Phil. “Well you look awful, what’s wrong?”

“Matt’s getting married.”

“Don’t be silly.” Dan moves the folded laundry back into the basket. “I’m making egg whites and avocado toast for breakfast.” Dan spins to face Phil. “Married? What do you mean married?”

“You know what I mean.” 

“Well I don’t understand.” Dan leans across the breakfast bar. 

“Yes you do. Some girl he met at school.” Phil picks up the newspaper Dan brought in with him. 

Dan straightens. “Oh my god, Phil. How are you so calm? He’s just a baby, he’s gonna ruin his life!” 

“Well it seems he plans to get married no matter what we say.” Phil absently places a hand over Dan’s. “So the less said, the better.”

“And I was having such a good day.” Dan scoffs. “Now I’m all upset again.” He pushes Phil’s newspaper to the counter and shimmies into his lap, placing a hand dramatically onto his own forehead. The kitchen door swings open. “Why must you men do everything you can to make my life harder?” 

“Oh, so he told you.” Matt breaths as he heads to the fridge. 

“Oh my god, Matt.” Dan rises from Phil’s lap. “I mean, how can I not be shocked?” He moves instead to sit next to him. “Don’t worry, I promised your father I wouldn’t say anything.” 

Dan waits until Matt is done greeting Jimmy. “But you’re only twenty, and if you throw yourself away on some dormitory slut, you’ll be sorry for the rest of your life.” Matt turns to face Dan. “There, enough said.” Dan smiles sweetly. 

“Well, don’t just stand there, give me a kiss. Or are you too grown up for that now?” Dan holds his arms out expectantly. 

Matt laughs and moves to hug Dan and kiss him on the cheek. “Hi, Dan.” He goes to sit at the table. 

“Oh, Phil.” Dan rises from his seat. “Our baby is going to leave us. And we won’t have any others.” 

“Not without a miracle.” Phil mumbles. 

Matt’s phone begins to ring. “Oh, it’s Sarah. She said she’d call.” He stands and heads to his room the take the call. 

Dan turns to face Jimmy. “I mean, married!” Dan laughs. “Actually married. I can’t believe this.” 

Jimmy glances at Phil. “You should’ve told me last night that you were seeing him. I wouldn’t have been so...sassy to you.” 

Phil rolls his eyes. “Is everyone going to continue to tell me what I’m doing wrong?” 

Dan walks over to rest his head on Jimmy’s shoulder. “I’m glad to know if Phil really was having an affair, you’d be giving him shit about it.” Dan giggles. 

Phil peers at Dan from above his glasses, which have slid down his nose. “Dan, you know I’d never actually cheat on you, right?” 

Jimmy laughs. “How could you? I don’t know anyone as attractive or as young as Dan who’s looking for a grumbly forty year old man to get fucked by.” 

Phil huffs, and Dan grins as he saunters over to him. “Hey, you’re my grumbly old man.” Dan kisses his face. 

Phil pouts. “I’m only seven years older than you.” 

Dan cradles his face and shushes him. “That’s okay, old man.” Jimmy laughs from across the kitchen. 

They eat the breakfast Dan makes when Matt returns, and no one mentions how anxious he looks after his call with Sarah. 

-

Dan doesn’t let himself get emotional until later. 

Phil is sitting at the piano, writing out lyrics for Dan’s next performance, and working out some choreography. Dan sits at the couch, flipping through the pages of the scrapbook he made of Matt’s baby pictures and childhood memories. 

Tears starts to roll down his face. “Oh, and his graduation. God, when did he grow up?” He touched the photo of him and Phil, with their arms around Matt, holding his high school diploma. He smiles at the older photos from when he and Phil first met, where Dan was nineteen, and Matt was only 5. He fondly remembers how Phil, being a single dad and running a club at the same time, could barely ever make time to take Dan out, and they’d often have dinner at his flat with Matt, and fall asleep watching some children’s movie on the couch. Phil always felt guilty for not being able to properly “woo” him in the beginning, but Dan knew that the moment he fell in love with Phil, he fell in love with Matt, too. Matt often joked that he was the only guy in his fraternity that didn’t grow up in a broken home, because he had Dan. 

Dan sniffled again and again, and grabbed a tissue to dab at his tears. 

Phil stopped playing. “Dan, love, you’re driving me crazy with that.”

Dan ignored him and continued his trip down memory lane. He cried and cried through all the old pictures, especially the ones with all three of them together. He couldn’t help but feel like their little family was being broken up. He always figured he’d have a few more years before Matt decided to go start a family of his own. 

-

Later, the accompanist arrives for rehearsals. Dan finishes stretching, and pulls on his platform heels that he’ll be wearing for this number. Dan’s dance partner is late, so they run through the new song a few times before finally running through the choreography. 

But Dan keeps stopping everything to complain about his dance partner. First, he looked too bored, then, he wasn’t doing the right choreography. And now, it’s “Phil, did you see that? He’s chewing gum. He just blew a bubble in my face. While I was singing.” He’s giving Phil that look. That “you’re going to get in trouble if you doesn’t do something quickly” look. 

Phil stands from where he was directing at the table. “Nico, this may be a drag show, but it need to be a good drag show.” Matt descends the staircase from the flat into the club just then. “If possible, a great drag show. So I’d appreciate you taking this seriously.” 

“Phil, he’s chewing gum during a dance.” Dan places his hands on his hips. 

“Gum helps me think.” Nico chimes in. 

“Sweetie, you’re wasting your gum.” Dan sighs. 

“Dad.” Matt is still trying to get Phil’s attention. “Dad I need to talk to you.” 

“One minute, Matthew.” Phil waves him off and turns back to Dan and Nico. “Let’s take it from the bridge, and no talking.” He cocks an eyebrow at Dan. “From anybody, alright?”

The music starts and Phil and Matt sit together at the table. 

“Dad I really need to talk to you-“ Matt starts, but Phil shushes him. 

“Matt, I’m in the middle of something important.” Phil whispers. “Just not right now, okay?” 

“Phil!” Dan exclaims. The music stops. “Did you see what he did?” He glances over to Matt. “Oh hello Matthew, dear.” Matt greets him with a small wave. 

Phil’s face is in his hands. “What did he do, darling?” 

“He blew another bubble with his goddamn gum. I swear to God, Phil-“ 

“Alright, Alright.” Phil walks back over to the stage. “Nico, this is a complex number. I’d appreciate you putting a little more effort-“

Dan cuts him off. “Yeah, just because you’re 22 and hung-“ 

Phil interrupts him. “Daniel. Let me do this please.” 

Dan rolls his eyes and walks to the piano. “Fine, you’re the director.” 

“Thank you.” Phil clears his throat. “Nico, this woman invented you from her fantasies.” He gestures between him and Dan. “You, her fantasy, comes to life and sees her, and she becomes your fantasy.” 

Nico chews his gum. “I don’t think I get it.” 

Dan smiles. “Try more gum.” 

“Daniel.” 

“Sorry, I’m listening.” Dan puts his hands up. 

“I know you are, thank you.” Phil climbs up onto the stage and Matt stands. He begins to walk backstage to join them. Phil continues his explanation to Nico. “You have the opportunity to explore this. Okay, Nico? When you see this woman, she electrifies you, transcending your need to chew.” Phil’s places his hand on Nico’s shoulder. “The feeling starts in your pelvis, and makes its way to your heart. Really, it’s heart/pelvis.” 

“Dad.” Matt is standing behind him. 

Phil is getting more stressed. “Coming!” He exclaims, exasperated. 

“So what, I’m just supposed to stand here?” Nico questions. 

“Not at all! You do an eclectic celebration of dance!” Phil thrashes around in an embarrassing example, and grabs Nico’s shoulder. “But you keep it all inside.” He starts to walk up the stairs with Matt, placing a hand on his back. “I’ll be right back, work on that.” 

He turns to Matt once they’re in the flat. “What is it?” 

“Dad...” He pulls him further into the flat and closes the door. “I need to ask you something important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! say hi on tumblr @sadlybunny !


	3. is love itself not enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt asks Phil for a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: very slight homophobia and use of the f word once (by phil)

Matthew wrings his hands as he stands across from Phil. 

“Well?” Phil questions. “You interrupted our rehearsal. This stuff’s important.” Matt knew his dad was upset, but was always willing to listen to Matt when he needed to talk. After all, he let Dan think Phil was cheating on him last night just so that they could have a heart to heart. 

“Thirsty?” Matt asks as he goes to pour himself a glass of wine.

“Matt, just out with it already. You’re wasting my time.”

“I’m sorry, Dad, but...” Matt runs a hand through his hair. “Sarah and her parents are coming ‘round for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow?” Phil’s body relaxes. “Well we’ll have plenty of time for that.” He waves his hand. “Dan just went to the shops this morning, and the place is always clean.” Phil smiles slightly. “I’m quite excited to meet our future in-laws. And I bet Dan’ll love the excuse to cook.” 

Matthew glances between the ground and his fathers face. “Dad... it’s not just that.” He clears his throat. “Well... Sarah told her parents-“ He swallows a gulp of wine. “She told them that you’re the cultural attaché to Greece and that Dan is a housewife.” 

Phil’s shoulders drop. His smile fades. “She what?” 

“Dad... listen.” Matt takes another sip of wine and sits on the couch. “Sarah’s dad is running to become a member of parliament. He’s super right-wing. I mean, she couldn’t tell him the truth.” Matt blinks at Phil as if he expects him to understand. 

When Phil only stares back, he speaks up. “Look, Dad, she had to. He’s the founder of a Coalition for Moral Order.”

Phil’s heart seems to hurt more with every beat. Or maybe it’s from every word that comes out of his son’s mouth. “I don’t care who he is. I don’t want to be someone else.”

Phil is trying so damn hard not to cry. “Do you want me to be someone else?”

Matt stands. “Are you kidding? Of course not. And neither does Sarah.” He sets down his wine glass. “I’m not marrying him. I’m marrying her. I just-“ Matt stared straight into his father’s eyes. “I just need your help.”

Phil pauses. “No, not with this.”

Matt glares. “Well why not? You’ve done it before.” 

“What? Pretended to be someone I’m not? Never.” Phil starts to leave the living room. 

“Second grade.” Phil stops. “In second grade. Dan had to pick me up from school.” Phil turns to Matt. “You told the teachers he was my cousin.” 

“Matt. That’s a completely different-“

“And for career day.” Matt crosses his arms. “You told me to write that you were a businessman.” 

Phil was getting more and more frustrated. “Your teacher was ignorant and judgmental. I was only protecting you.” He wishes Dan were with them to help Matt understand, but at the same time, he knows Dan would be even more distressed than him by this conversation. 

“Dad.” Matt steps closer to his father. “We would really appreciate if you helped us out with this.”

Phil removes his glasses and rubs his eyes. “What am I supposed to do? Close the club and pretend to be some cultural attaché?” He starts to raise his voice, his stress rising up through the pit of his stomach to his throat. “And what about Dan? What about your father?” 

“Well...” Matt rubs the back of his neck. “You’d have to send Dan away for a few days.” 

“Have you gone mad? You try sending Dan away.” His son’s words just continue to upset him more and more. 

“We’d never get him past the Taylor’s, Dad.” Matt glances around the flat. “And...we’ll have to get rid of some things around here.” 

Phil feels like a deflated balloon. “What things?” 

“Well...” Matt continues to survey the room. “That. Definitely.” Matt gestures to a painting on the wall. They’d bought it at an art fair a few years back, from an artist that had recognized Dan from the club. It was a close portrait of a man, posing with a single rose. He wore a shining blue gown that filled the entire canvas. 

“Matt. That’s art.” Phil crosses his arms, bewildered at the thought of someone getting offended over a gorgeous painting like that. The artist was extremely talented, after all. But he figured, to Matt and the Taylor’s, it wasn’t the skill of the artist that mattered, but the implications of their art. It had to have a meaning further than a beautiful man in a gown, because men weren’t supposed to be beautiful and men weren’t supposed to wear gowns. 

“Yeah? Well what about that?” Matt points to a shelf where pictures of Dan as Amethyst Star are displayed. Phil walks over to them and slides them into a drawer. “And that?” Matt questions, referring to a picture frame that sat on the coffee table. It was of Dan and Phil, on a beach about 10 years ago. They were sat together just along the shore, and the sun was setting in beautiful stripes of pink, purple, and orange. Phil’s hand rested on Dan’s waist, and Dan’s was wrapped around Phil’s neck, pulling him closer. The boys were hard to see perfectly due to the lack of lighting, but it was easy to tell that their lips were attached. Phil remembers that holiday, which they had splurged on for their fifth anniversary. Dan started performing at the club that same year, and they had finally become financially stable because of him. It was a good year. It was a great trip. 

Phil’s eyes burn as he makes his way to the coffee table, and picks up the photo. He sighs as he makes way over to the drawer and slides the photo in with the rest of them. Matt walls over to him. 

“And...Dad?” Matt glances to the chain around Phil’s neck. Phil knew that he was referencing more than just the phallic shaped charm that hung on the chain, but he slid in into his shirt anyway. But he figured if the Taylor’s really were going to come, he couldn’t exactly dress in his normal tank and open short-sleeved patterned button up, tucked into slacks. He also figured the two golden chains that he always wore around his neck would have to go as well. 

Matt cleared his throat. “Look, it’s not just a few things. It’s everything I mean...” Matt turns around to survey the flat. “Look at the place. We’re gonna have to make it look a little bit more like other people’s homes.” 

“I see.” Phil walks over to the bar to grab himself a drink. “We’re gonna have to totally redecorate to make it seem like other people’s homes.” 

“And you’re gonna have to...try to...” Matt stuttered over his words and nervously ran an hand through his hair. “Y‘know. Tone it down a little bit.” 

“What are you saying, Matt.”

“Y’know, Dad, just...” Matt sips his wine uncomfortably. “Try to be a little less obvious.”

Phil scoffs. “I’m obvious?” 

“Dad...” Matt tilts his head sympathetically. he takes a finger and runs it down Phil’s neck, shows him the stain, and drags it down the white wall. A trail of pale skin color is left behind his finger. 

Phil fights back the urge to scream at Matt as he glances back at Phil expectantly.

Just then, the accompanist bursts in from downstairs. “I think you should come back down.” He says quickly. “She’s trying to take away his gum.” 

Phil gives him a sad smile. “I’ll be right down.” And he closes the door. 

Phil turns back to Matt and swallows. “Yes, I wear foundation. Yes, I live with a man. Yes, I'm a middle-aged fag.” Phil keeps his voice steady as he blinks back tears. “But I know who I am, Matt. It took me 20 years to get here, and I'm not going to let some idiot politician destroy that.” He grabs the door handle. “Fuck Mr. Taylor. I don't give a damn what he thinks.” 

Phil leaves Matt in the apartment. He sips his wine and slumps down on the couch. 

-

Later, Phil eventually has to come back to the flat so that Dan can run the song a few times with the accompanist and work out any problems with his voice. Matt is locked away in his room, but Phil doesn’t want to see him right now anyway. 

When Dan comes back up, Phil greets him with a sweet kiss on the lips. 

“Ah hello, dear. How-“ Phil cuts Dan off with another kiss, and sweeps him into his arms. He had begun to play some soft music in the apartment before Dan had arrived. He grabs one of Dan’s hands, and slips the other around his waist and into his back pocket. Dan grins when he realizes that Phil is trying to dance with him and snakes his arm around Phil’s neck. 

They sway together silently, and Phil rests his chin on Dan’s shoulder. He kisses all around the nape of his neck as the song continues. 

“You seem awfully quiet, is something wrong?” Dan questions, scratching his long nails through the short hair at the top of Phil’s neck. 

Phil shakes his head. “Just missed you today.” He didn’t want to tell Dan about his discussion with Matt today. 

Dan giggles. “I was only gone for an hour. And I was right down the stairs.” 

Phil kisses him again. “I still missed you.” 

“You seem sad, are you sure nothings wrong?” Dan’s concerned eyes stare into Phil’s. 

Phil manages a small smile and nods. He leans into Dan for a long, deep kiss. Dan figures that if something is really wrong, Phil just doesn’t want to talk about it, and that’s okay with him for now. Dan sighs as Phil’s lips trail down his neck and to his collarbone. His fingers dance at the hem of Dan’s shirt, then grip it. 

Dan’s eyes shoot open. “Where’s Matt?” 

Phil sighs. “He’s in his room. Now hush.” He continues kissing and lightly sucking at the base of Dan’s neck. Dan bats him away. 

“Let’s go to our room.” Phil starts to roll his eyes. “I don’t want Matt to come out and be traumatized by whatever we’re about to do.” Dan explains. 

“He’s not coming out of his room.” Phil pulls Dan closer by his waist and slides his hands under Dan’s shirt. He pulls it off and begins to kiss down his chest. 

“How are you so sure?” Dan glances down at Phil, who ignores him. 

“Hey.” Dan pulls Phill up to look at him. “Did you guys fight?” 

“Sort of.” Phil grabs Dan’s hands and starts dragging him to the bedroom. “Take my mind off of it?” 

Dan shuts the door behind him and remembers to lock it just in case Matt comes looking for his father to apologize for whatever they had fought about. Phil lays down on the bed and beckons Dan to join him. 

Dan does his best to help Phil forget about whatever it is was on his mind. Phil pets his hair and whispers his name and seems completely lost in their little world. He’s more vocal than usual, with Dan being the loud one, but Dan doesn’t pay it any mind. Maybe he’s just extra good at pleasing Phil tonight. 

Phil falls asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around Dan. He didn’t notice until now that Phil was wearing the small wooden ring they had bought on holiday so many years ago. They’d bought the matching rings on the trip for their fifth anniversary. They weren’t married, and still aren’t, (despite Dan wanting to be desperately) but the rings were a way of them finalizing their relationship. They were a way to remind each other of the deep commitment they shared, without any legal interference. They stopped wearing the rings when they had gotten old and beaten up, and Dan’s didn’t fit him anymore. Phil promised Dan he’d replace them with silver ones someday, and Dan stopped asking him when that day would be after a year. 

But Phil’s ring, all beaten up and dirty, sat there on his ring finger. Dan smiles. He decides he will put his on (on his pinky finger or a necklace most likely) when he wakes up to make breakfast tomorrow. He laces his fingers together with Phil’s and kisses the ring, drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

-

Phil wakes in the middle of the night and makes his way into the living room. He had untangled himself from a naked sleeping Dan, and slipped into some pajamas before coming out. 

He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from a drawer and makes his way to the balcony. He’ll have to shower the smoke off and brush his teeth before going back to bed so that Dan didn’t get upset with him. It was a nasty habit, but tonight Phil needed it to cope with the stress. The sex was a temporary thing, a way to remind himself that the love he shared with Dan wasn’t wrong, it was deep and passionate and beautiful. He knew in his mind that it wasn’t, but he couldn’t help but feel that his son felt differently. 

He also felt really fucking guilty. Matt didn’t ask to be raised with two dads. He didn’t ask to have a drag club owner for a father. Were Phil’s selfish decisions getting in the way of his sons life?

No. Stupid question. Matt loves Phil, and especially loves Dan, and Phil knows he wouldn’t trade them for “normal parents” if he had the opportunity. What, really, would be the harm in helping his son to feel normal this one time? 

Phil sighs, taking his glasses of and rubbing his eyes. He takes a long drag of his cigarette, puts it out, and throws it away. 

He stands outside of Matt’s door, and hears him on the phone. He realizes it’s Sarah. He takes a deep breath and opens the door quickly. 

Matt looks startled, but glances up at his father. 

“You’re redecorating the house tomorrow. I’ll take Dan out and try to get him to go on a trip or something.” Phil begins to walk away. 

“Dad.” Phil turns to face Matt. “Thank you.” Matt puts his hand over his heart. 

Phil doesn’t smile. “Do me a favor Matt. Don’t talk to me for a while.” He shuts the door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr @sadlybunny


	4. i’ll always choose you, forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tries to keep Dan out of the flat.

Dan wakes in the morning to an empty bed. He looks around the room and into the bathroom, but doesn’t find Phil. He pulls on some comfortable clothes and makes his way out of the bedroom. 

Surprisingly, he finds Phil already awake in the kitchen. He walks over to Phil, who’s standing at the stove, and hooks his chin over his shoulder. 

“Why are you up so early?” Dan questions. Usually Phil is the one to sleep in, especially on a day when the club will be open later. 

“I thought I’d make breakfast for you, doll.” Phil turns to kiss Dan softly on the lips. “For being so sweet with me yesterday.”

Dan laughs. “Well you seem to be in a better mood.” He kisses Phil’s cheek and moves to sit at the breakfast bar. “But I don’t think it’s from my expertise.” Dan jokes. “Did you talk to Matt about whatever you were fighting about, then?”

Phil clears his throat. “Uh, yeah.” He runs a hand through his quiff. “Yeah, we got it all figured out.”

“Good, I’m glad.” Dan grins. “As much as it benefits me in the bedroom, I don’t like when you’re upset.” 

Phil scoffs. “Alright, whatever.” He places a plate in front of Dan with an omelette and a fork. “Eat up, we have an exciting day today.”

“Do we?” Dan takes a bite of his eggs. “What are we doing today?” Dan grins up at Phil like a small child. Phil could tell he was getting excited just at the notion of getting to spend some more time together. Between all the rehearsals and running the club at night, sometimes their relationship gets lost in the shuffle. 

Phil bops Dan’s nose with his knuckle. “We’re going to go out, you and me. Whatever you’d like. We’re having a day out, just us.” 

Dan gasps dramatically and leans across the counter to kiss Phil. “Wait,” Dan sits back down. “What about Matt?” 

“Well he just wanted a quiet day in.” Phil moved behind Dan to start massaging his shoulders. “But you’ll see him again soon enough. Plus...” Phil digs his thumbs deeply into Dan’s back. “I have a surprise for you” He whispers gently into Dan’s ear. 

Dan shivers. “Well...alright. If Matt’s okay with us being out all day.” 

“He is. Trust me.” Phil gives Dan another peck on the lips. “Go get ready, doll. We’ve got places to be.” Phil smiles as Dan scrambles to their bedroom to get ready, leaving his dirty dishes behind, which was a rare occurrence for him. 

Phil sighs into his hands. He checks his watch, and realizes that some people from the club will be coming over soon to help Matt with the redecoration. Hopefully the plan would continue to work out. And hopefully he wouldn’t have to hurt Dan again. 

-

Dan and Phil have stopped at a cafe to relax and get some caffeine in their systems. Phil decides now is as good a time as any to try to convince Dan that he should go away for a bit. 

“The sun is out.” Dan comments as he sips his tea. “Feels nice.” Dan had dressed appropriately for the rare hot weather, clad in his black romper, black sunglasses, and his usual group of necklaces paired with large silver hoops in his ears. 

Phil thought he looked absolutely gorgeous, so what he said next, to him, seemed absolutely ridiculous. “It does.” Phil smiles at him. “You need some more sun. Why don’t you take a few days off? You look tired.” 

-

Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Matt and the queens from the club are scrambling to strip down the apartment. Basically all the decorations and some of the furniture needs to go, excluding the bedrooms, which they hope the Taylors will not ask to see. 

Jimmy arrives a bit later, holding a suit in a dry cleaning bag. “Did someone order a butler?” He jokes with Matt. 

Matt sighs with relief. “Oh, thank god you’re here, Jimmy.” He gives him a quick hug. 

“No problem, kid.” He ruffles Matt’s hair. “I’m here to help, okay? Just direct me and I’ll take care of it.” 

Matt smiles gratefully. “Could you go help move furniture?” 

“Absolutely, kid. Good luck, alright?”

Matt nods, and surveys the apartment. He begins to the check rooms that have been done already, and stops when he finds something in the bathroom. He rolls his eyes, and peeks into the living room where most of the queens are. 

“Who put Playboys in the bathroom?” He questions, waving the magazines. 

“Leave it in there, it’s what they read.” A tall blonde queen, Rosalie, defends. 

Matt sighs. “Just subtract. Don’t add, alright?” Matt disposes of the magazines in an outgoing box. 

This was going to be a long day. 

-

“I look tired?” Dan’s eyes widen as he pushes his sunglasses onto his forehead. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” Phil explains quickly as he gathers their trash. 

“I look tired?” Dan repeats as he was stands with Phil. Dan crosses his arms as they exit the patio of the café. 

“I don’t know what I’m talking about, ignore me.” Phil backpedals as they walk down the street. 

“Yes you do. You’re saying I look old.” Dan slips his sunglasses back onto his eyes, horrified. “Tired means old. And rested means you’ve had collagen.”

“Just forget it, will you? You look magnificent. Too gorgeous to waste indoors.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand. “Let’s go window shopping.” 

“Ugh, I’m not in the mood. Let’s go home.” Dan attempts to go around the corner, but Phil’s grip on his hands prevents him from going too far. 

“Let’s keep shopping. I’ll buy you anything you want.” Phil scrambles for a way to keep Dan from going upstairs. 

“Anything I want?” Dan turns to Phil, surprised. “Ugh, I’m really not dressed for shopping right now.” He turns back to the direction of the flat. 

“I’ll buy you a whole new outfit.” Phil offers, desperately. 

“I don’t want to wear clothes off the rack, Phil. I have sensitive skin.” Dan once again tries to walk in the direction of the flat, but is pulled back by Phil. “What is with you? Why can’t we go upstairs?”

“Nothing.” Phil pulls Dan back, but realizes he’s run out of excuses. “Oh, nothing.”

“Alright then. Let’s go up.” Dan and Phil approach the steps to the flat, but before Dan can climb them, Phil yelps. 

“Ah! Fuck.” He goes to hold his ankle. 

“What’s wrong?” Dan rushes over to help him. “What happened?”

“I-I hurt my ankle. I cant go upstairs.” Phil explains, faking a grimace. 

“Oh you poor baby.” Dan looks down at Phil, who’s rubbing his ankle. “Well you stay here, I’ll grab you some ice.”

“No!” Phil shouts, grabbing at Dan’s arm. “Don’t leave me here!” 

“What?” Dan shakes him off. “Why are you getting so hysterical?” 

“I-“ Phil starts. He stands up. “I think I need a doctor.”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous.” Dan opens the gate and starts up the stairs. “I’ll get you some ice.” 

“No!” Phil follows after him. “I can’t make it up the stairs.”

“Well lean on me then.” Dan helps him climb the stairs until they get to the top. “Honestly, I have no idea why you’re being such a big baby. It’s not even swollen.” 

Dan unlocks the door, and swings it open. Phil stands with his face in his hands, anticipating whatever argument is about to come. 

Dan screams. “We’ve been robbed!” He yells, surveying the basically empty apartment. The art, statues, and photos were all stripped from the walls. 

Matt is coming up the stairs just as they open the door. “No, no Dan. We’re just moving stuff around. It’ll all be in place again when you get back.”

Dan glances between Phil and Matt. “When I get back?” He says softly. “Where am I going?”

Matt’s shoulders fall. “You didn’t tell him.” He says to his father. 

“Tell me what?” Dan turns to Phil. “What’s going on?”

“Dan.” Phil places a hand on his arm. “Matt’s fiancée and her parents are coming for dinner tonight and...” Phil glances at Matt. “Matt figured-“ he coughs. “Matt and I figured it might be better if you...weren’t here.” 

“Oh.” Dan swipes Phil’s hand off of his arm. “I see. 

“It’s just for tonight.” Matt tried to explain. 

“No, I understand.” Dan turns towards the door. “It’s just while people are here.”

Matt stares at Dan. “It’s alright, darling,” Dan laughs softly. “It’s nothing. It’s painful...but it’s not important.” Dan grabs the door handle. “I’m leaving.”

“It’s just one night, doll-“ Phil starts. 

“I’m leaving.” Dan interrupts. “The monster.” Dan turns to Matt. “The freak. Is leaving.” 

Dan slams the door to the flat behind him. 

“Well.” Phil faces Matt. “That went well.” Phil smiles at him sarcastically and leaves to follow Dan. 

-

“Dan!” Phil hurries after Dan, who’s rushing down the street. 

“Daniel!” He calls again. 

Dan stops and faces Phil. “Oh, leave me alone.” He continues walking. “I never want to see you again.” His voice cracks and he begins to tear up. “My heart is breaking.” 

“Oh god, please don’t cry.” Phil walks with his arms around Dan’s shoulders. “Baby, don’t cry. It’s alright, you can stay.” Phil assures him. 

“No.” Dan wipes his eyes as he continues to walk. “I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted. Where I can be thrown out on a whim without legal rights.” 

“I’ve got the ring for you at home-“

“You’re lying again.” Dan sniffs. “This is too much for me. Too much ugliness and pain.” 

“Calm down a minute, doll.” Phil guides Dan up some steps. “Let’s take a seat here.” 

They walk into a small restaurant that they frequent, and the waiter shows them to their usual table. “Water, now, please.” Phil requests. The waiter assured them the water will be out right away and they take a seat in their place on the patio. 

The waiter brings them water, and Phil thanks him as he dips a napkin in his glass and holds it to the back of Dan’s head. “Our usual, please, Rodrigo.”

“Of course, Mr. Lester.” Rodrigo replies, and heads to the kitchen for their food. 

“Listen, Dan, this is not because of you, okay?” Tears are still falling from his beautiful brown eyes. “The girl’s parents are assholes. Matt’s crazy about you.”

“Is he?” Dan sniffs. 

“Yeah, doll.” Phil sets down the napkin and pats Dan’s back. 

“Well. I suppose that helps.” Dan rests his hand above Phil’s at the table and wipes his with the other. 

Dan thinks for a minute while he calms down. “Maybe it is too much to introduce me as his mother on the first visit.” Dan faces Phil. “Could you tell them I’m a relative who dropped in? Matt’s uncle? Uncle Dan!”

“Oh what’s the point, doll, you’d just be Matt’s gay uncle Dan.” Phil rubs his eyes. 

“Oh, I could play it straight.” Dan scoffs and takes a sip of his water. 

“Please. Look at you.” Phil gestures over him. “Look at the way you’re holding your glass. Look at your posture.” 

“What? What about you?” Dan defends. “You’re definitely not some cultured man. You’ve never even been to a museum and you eat like a pig.” 

“Daniel, these people are right wing conservatives.” He swipes a hand through his quiff. “They don’t care if you’re a pig, they just care if you like dick.” 

Rodrigo sets their plates on the table and pretends like he didn’t hear their conversation. Dan and Phil smile up at him awkwardly, and he steps away. 

Dan sighs and Phil’s heart pangs. He thinks about all Dan has done for him and how he wishes he could be a part of this night with him. 

“Aw, fuck ‘em.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand. “Sure you can pass as an uncle.” Phil smiles. “You’re a great performer, and I’m a great director.” 

“Oh, Phil, really?” Dan smiles and squeezes Phil’s hand. 

“Why not, we’ve got six hours.” Phil glances at  
Dan, who’s taking a sip of his water. “First, put the pinky down.” 

Dan sheepishly sets his water down. “Sorry.” 

“It’s a dinner party, so let’s work with food.” Phil pats his hand and grabs his own knife. “Spread some mustard on your toast.”

Dan grabs the mustard jar and a small spoon. He begins to drip the mustard onto the bread, when Phil snatches the spoon out of his hands. 

“Don’t use the spoon.” Phil rubs his eyes. “Take the knife and smear it.” He does so as an example. “Men smear.” He explains in a slightly comedic overly-masculine voice. This whole thing was quite silly in the first place. 

“Smear, right.” Dan attempts to do so, and stabs the knife right through the bread. “Oh!” He exclaims loudly. “I pierced the toast!” 

“So what?” Phil throws a piece behind him. “You get more toast. There’s no need to have a crisis about it.” 

Dan thinks for a second. “You’re right.” He shakes his head. “The important thing to remember is, I can always get more toast.” 

“There you go, see?” Phil grabs his hand. “Keep that up. We’ll head to the park after we eat and work on some greetings, hey?” 

“Alright, darling.” Phil glances up at him. “I mean, uh...Philip.” Dan grins sheepishly. 

Well, dinner would certainly be interesting. 

-

After an hour, Dan and Phil return to the flat. Phil was exhausted. 

“I’ll go get you some tea.” Dan says, and excuses himself to the kitchen. 

Phil slumps down onto the couch. “You’re not gonna be happy with me, Matt.” 

“What is it, Dad?” Matt approaches the couch and looks down at his father. 

“I told Dan he could stay.” Phil covers his eyes with his hands. 

“You...you...what? Why?”

“Why? Because he told me his heart was breaking and he’s my friend and companion.”

Matt squeezes his hands into fists. “Who will we even say he is?”

“Your uncle.” 

“My uncle!” Matt scoffs. “Just great. This is great, Dad.” Matt hits the wall with his hand. “You know what? Let’s just forget this whole thing.”

“God, Matt, you’re only twenty years old, can’t you have a little hope?” Phil sits up on the couch. 

“Dad, it’s no use.” He sits on the couch next to Phil. “I mean, once they see you and Dan together...” He trails off and rubs his eyes like his father. “I was feeling so good...” He murmurs. 

“What we need is a woman.” Phil half-jokes. “If we had a woman as a mother we could pass Dan as an uncle.” He sighs. “Ironic, isn’t it? When you need a woman.” 

Phil sits up quickly. “Why don’t we ask your mother?”

“My mother?” Matt leans in. “You think she’d do this?”

“Well we won’t know until we ask.” 

“Well I haven’t seen her in twenty years.” Matt slumps back down. “It seems like a pretty good indication.” 

“Well things were different then.” Phil pats Matt’s arm. “She was so young, and scared.” 

Dan bursts in from the kitchen with Phil’s tea. “Phil!” He sets the tea down. “It is extremely unfair of you to ask Matt to do this, Phil. He has every reason to refuse-“

“You really think she’d go for it?” Matt asks, ignoring Dan. 

“Well,” Phil starts. “There’s only one way we can know for sure.” He grabs his phone. 

“Hello? Yes, this is Phil Lester...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr @sadlybunny :)


	5. that was then, this is now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil visit Matt‘s mother.

Dan rolls his eyes and flops dramatically onto the armchair. 

“Yes, it really has been a while hasn’t it?” Phil laughs softly into the phone. Matt inches closer to him on the couch to try to listen. 

“Well I can be in the car right now. So, about 15 minutes?” Phil listens for her response through the phone. 

“Perfect, I’ll see you soon.” Phil smiles and laughs softly again. “You too. Bye.”

He turns to Matt. “She said she’ll see me.” Matt’s face lights up. “I figured I should go explain this whole thing in person.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Matt smiles. “I’m gonna go finish redecorating, then.” He sprints lightly out of the room, pulling out his phone to call Sarah. 

Phil rises from the couch and goes to grab his keys. Dan huffs from the armchair, and Phil walks over to him. He places his hands onto the arms of the chair, and leans into Dan. After 15 years, Phil’s pretty sure he can tell when Dan is upset. And he knows exactly why he’s upset, too. 

“Did you want to come with me, doll?” Phil grins as he inches closer to Dan’s face. 

Dan rolls his eyes and pushes at Phil’s chest. “I guess, if you’ll need me there.” He sighs, trying his best to sound exasperated. 

Phil laughs and leans in again. “I didn’t say that.” 

Dan rolls his eyes. “You always need me.” He lets Phil give him a soft kiss. 

“You’re right, doll.” He grabs Dan’s hand and drags him out of the chair. 

“Say it.” 

Phil turns to Dan, a bit startled. “I need you.” He squeezes Dan’s hand and opens the door. 

-

“Did you want to wait in the car?” Phil takes the key from the ignition and stuffs it in his pocket. 

“No.” Dan glares slightly at Phil, wondering if he was trying to get rid of him. “I’m sure there’s a waiting room.” He puts on his fakest, sweetest smile to convey his annoyance. 

“Alright.” Phil sighs as they exit the car and enter the building. Kelsey has really made a name for herself in the world of fitness, and it was obvious from the place they were entering. It had a cool, sleek modern design, with her last name up in bright letters. Phil was happy to know that she was doing so well for herself, since 20 years ago she was a young scared girl with barely any money to get by. 

They approach the front desk and Dan stands behind Phil. “Um, I’m here to see Kelsey Richmond.”

“The name?” The attractive young receptionist smiles up at Phil. 

“Phil Lester.” 

“You can go right in.” She flashes him a smile of perfectly white teeth and flips her blonde hair. Dan sits down on the couch in the waiting room and stares at Phil expectantly. Bracing himself, Phil turns from Dan and opens the large double doors that lead into Kelseys office. 

She rises from her desk chair as Phil shuts the door. “Philip Lester.” She grins. “My god, it’s been one hundred years.” Phil takes a second to process her. She’s definitely aged, but not the whole twenty years since they’ve seen each other. She’s extremely in shape, and has a trendy hairstyle and makeup look much like the young receptionist in the waiting room. She pointed to one of the couches in her large office with her perfectly tanned arm. “Please, sit.” 

Phil smiles as he makes himself comfortable on the couch. “Kelsey Richmond. Or is it Mrs. something?”

She sits on the edge of her raised desk and crosses her toned legs. “Not at the moment.” She has the grin of a venomous snake, yet Phil knows she wouldn’t harm him in any way. “I’ve thought about you so much these past years. Every time I saw an ad for The Birdcage.” She pours two glasses of cucumber water on the coffee table and hands one to Phil. 

Phil smiles and takes a sip before setting the glass down onto one of the coasters. “You’ve certainly done well for yourself.” 

Kelsey waves her hand dismissively. “Because of you.” She slips a hand onto Phil’s knee. “The money you lent me started this place. I almost feel like you should’ve gotten profit from it.” She grins. Phil would probably be just as prideful if The Birdcage was as successful as her company, so he didn’t let the obvious gloating get to him. 

“I got Matt for it, it’s a fair trade.” Phil sipped his water. 

“My god...Matt.” She shifts in her place on the desk and looks up thoughtfully. “Is he...” She trails off, looking into Phil’s eyes. “How is he?” 

“He’s great.” Phil wrings his hands. “Wants to get married.” 

“Married?” She looks absolutely shocked. “How old is he?” 

It didn’t exactly bother Phil that she didn’t even know the age of their son, but it sort of rubbed him the wrong way. Him and Dan had been raising him together for the past 15 years, and he had been managing the single dad life and The Birdcage for the last 20. But Kelsey had gone on to do these great things, make a name for herself outside of London, and could just forget about her son. 

“Twenty.” Phil answers. 

“Twenty years.” She echoes. Phil wonders if she reminisces on those times, or if the whole emotional situation of having a child is completely lost to her. 

“And for the first time in those twenty years...” Phil gazes up at her. “He really needs your help.” 

-

Outside, in the waiting room, Dan sits impatiently on a couch. He shakes his leg, fiddles around on his phone, and pulls out a compact powder to tame his shine. 

Finally, he hears Kelsey’s voice through the intercom, requesting that the receptionist cancel all her appointments tonight. Dan had never met Kelsey, so he wasn’t quite expecting her voice to be so deep and sultry. Weirdly, he was feeling extremely intimidated. 

Dan wasn’t really relieved that she was going to help, but was more relieved that they’d be getting out of this place. 

He waited, but Phil didn’t come through the doors to take Dan home. If Kelsey had already agreed to help, why was Phil still in there? He could hear muffled laughter through the door, and nothing else. He was getting very impatient.

-

“Normally I wouldn’t drink at work, but this is a special occasion, don’t you think?” Kelsey smiles at she shows Phil the bottle of champagne. “Let’s drink to Mr. Taylor’s daughter and,” She grabs two glasses and hands one to Phil. “Our Matthew.” she shares a grin with Phil as she fiddles with the cork. “Shame I haven’t done much for him all the years.” She moves the bottle between her legs and pops the cork. “I’m not exactly...maternal.” The bubbly liquid spills out from the bottle and erupts onto the floor. Kelsey laughs as Phil moves to wipe up as much as he can with the cocktail napkins. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” He continues dabbing the napkins in the small fizzy puddles. “I’m very maternal. And Dan’s practically a breast.” 

She giggles lightly as she fills Phil’s glass with champagne. “Do you remember the show we were in when we met?” 

Phil remembers it well. He had been pressured to audition by one of his professors, and was given a lead role. There he met Kelsey, his leading lady. The show, about love and sexual awakening, seems ironic now for Phil. 

“Of course.” Kelsey takes that as an invitation to sing, to which Phil can’t help but join in. They dance around Kelseys office, recounting their old memories and somehow perfectly recalling twenty year old choreography and harmonies. All these feelings came flooding back to Phil, and he felt really happy. He’d forgotten how much he loved to perform, since Dan had come into his life. He definitely wouldn’t ever have to courage to do drag like Dan, but maybe he’d join him in a performance one day. Maybe they’d sing a duet. 

Kelsey grins, patting Phil’s chest as their number comes to an end. She fills up their glasses once again, proposing another toast. “How handsome you were. How unavailable and,” She raises her glass higher. “What a body.” 

Phil laughs along with her as they clink their glasses together. “Oh stop, you’ll make me blush.” 

“And how nervous you were.” She grins mischievously, no doubt alluding to the night where they conceived Matt. 

They sit together on the desk. “I was a wreck, I mean, I come to my room and there’s a woman in my bed!” She snickers as Phil continues recounting his experience of that fateful night. “I figured hey, let’s try it once, see what all the straight guys are raving about.” 

She gives a hearty laugh as she refills Phil’s glass once again. “And how long did we last?”

“I know exactly. From 2:30 to 3:45 am, two times.” They clink their glasses together. 

They continue to converse, about the show, Matt, and other small things about their lives before moving to the couch again. Phil is relaxed with his head back, sipping his champagne while Katie is perched next to him on the armrest. 

“Where did all this hair come from, hm?” She can see a slight peek of Phil’s chest hair through the top of his shirt, and sinks her hand down into it. “Wasn’t your chest smooth?”

“Oh, I shaved it for the show.” Phil’s eyes flutter closed as Kelsey pets his chest. “I wanted to look younger.”

“It certainly looks nicer this way. Much more masculine.” She chirps, undoing the first two buttons of Phil’s Versace silk shirt. She continues stroking his chest, then grabs his chain. “What a beautiful charm. And look how it stands out against that thick nest of hair.” Phil laughs, not exactly paying attention as Kelsey begins to unbutton even more of his shirt. 

His hand quickly flies to meet hers, prying it off of him, when suddenly the doors burst open. 

“I’m sorry Miss Richmond, I couldn’t stop him.” The receptionist explains as Dan storms into the room. 

He stops in is tracks once Phil and Kelsey come into view. Wordlessly, he huffs and stomps back out of the building to the car park. 

-

Phil rushes after Dan, buttoning his shirt up along the way. But before he can make it to him, Dan’s already driven off in their car. 

“Fuck.” Phil mutters under his breath, resolving himself to finding a bus station and riding that back to their flat. 

When he returns, Matt and Jimmy are alone in the apartment. 

“Dan’s not here?” He asks Jimmy, just to make sure. 

“No, why?” Jimmy confirms. 

“Great, just great.” Phil buries his face in his hands and sighs. 

Matt runs down the stairs when he hears Phil. “Dad? Dad.” He reaches Phil in a frenzy. “Is my mother coming?”

Phil is relived to be able to deliver good news. “Yes, she’s coming.” He smiles, and Matt sighs with relief. He’s hugging his father when they hear the front door open. 

“Well, that’s nice.” Phil turns to see Dan standing in the doorway. “I’m glad everything worked out for you.” He pushes past Matt and Phil into the bedroom, but he doesn’t close the door. 

About a minute later, he comes out with a black bag full of clothes and other essentials. Rather than flipping out and causing an uproar, Phil decides to stay calm. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, gesturing to the bag. 

“I’m leaving.” Dan kisses Jimmy on the cheek. “I told you before. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.” 

“I’ve never seen you pack that lightly in my life, love.” Phil jokes, attempting to call Dan’s bluff. 

“Wherever I go, I won’t be for long.” Dan pushes past Matt and Phil to the front door. He slams the wooden ring onto a nearby table. “I hope you’re very pleased with yourself, Philip.” He opens the door and steps out. “Goodbye Matthew.” And with that, he’s gone. 

“Shit.” Phil hits himself on the forehead. 

“Dad it’s fine, it’ll be better without an uncle.”

Phil turns to stare at his son. He can’t possibly comprehend how Matt is concerned with the dinner right now. When his father has just walked out the door of their flat, clearly extremely distressed, with a bag packed. He runs into the bedroom to grab something, and returns to Jimmy and Matt. He glances at Jimmy. “Please, start to make dinner. I’ll be right back.” He marches to the door, yelling obscenities as he makes his way outside. 

This was it. He’s settling things with Dan, once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no friends on tumblr so come say hi!!! @sadlybunny


	6. so take it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil finds Dan at a bus stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chapter is a little short, but i really wanted this scene to stand alone.

Phil roughly pulls the door to his car closed and yanks his seatbelt into the buckle. He doesn’t really know where Dan has run off too, but he’d search along the streets and check every bus stop if he had too. 

Phil reflects on how this whole situation has managed to blow up in his face. Nothing was happening with Kelsey. Obviously, Dan wasn’t worried about Phil’s faithfulness, (especially not after 15 years, and especially not with a woman) he knew that for sure. Dan must have felt threatened. He has been Matt’s mother for 15 years, been loved exclusively by Phil for 15 years, and that was all being taken away from him. Even if it was only for one night, Phil could see how frustrating it must have been to have had to face the reality of their relationship. That they weren’t what society deemed “normal”, and that it was affecting his child. That he was what was in the way of the Taylor’s approval. He could see how painful it must have been, to have been told by his own son that he wasn’t wanted. To feel like an outcast in his own home. 

Hell, Phil experienced it himself when Matt had first told him about this whole situation. But it’s not like he did anything to support Dan. Phil used unhealthy coping mechanisms. He fucked it out with Dan, he had a few drinks, he smoked a few cigarettes. All to keep his true disappointment in his son sealed tightly in a glass bottle. But Dan feels things so much more intensely than Phil does. He’s probably felt unwelcome in their house since Phil had forgotten about their situation with the wooden rings. 

Phil has been avoiding something in their lives, something important. Sure, Dan understands the commitment they have to each other, the commitment Phil has to Dan, but how could he not feel insecure? Phil knows what Dan wants, he’s known for the past 10 years. He’s just been so scared. 

Phil pulls up to a bus stop where a tall, lanky, garishly dressed man sits with his legs crossed. 

Maybe, for Dan, Phil can stop being scared. 

Phil sits next to him and shifts close. He drops his hands between his legs and tries to calm himself. “What a pain in the ass you are.” He mutters to Dan. 

He steadies his breathing before speaking up again. “I don’t know where you’re going, but I’m coming, too.” 

Dan slides away slightly, remaining silent. 

“I don’t care where, really.” Phil turns to stare at Dan, who’s gaze remains on the passing cars. “Because you could be going to any shithole on this planet and I’d follow you. I’d have to.”

Phil sighs. “You’re not young, Dan. And you’re not new. And you do make people laugh. And I’m still with you after all these years because you make me laugh. I’d have to sell the goddamn Birdcage and move to whatever dump you’d be in. So I’d never have to miss a laugh, and I’d never have to miss you.” 

He squeezes his hands together and cracks his knuckles. “Here.” Phil pulls a folded packet of papers out of his jacket and hands it to Dan. 

“What’s this?” Dan asks, opening the papers and scanning the cover page. 

“Read it.” Phil stares at the cars zooming by. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“It’s the deed to the club, I told you I had it looked at.” Phil finally gathers the courage to stare at Dan. He’s still looking down in disbelief at the papers. 

“It says...” Dan sniffs. “That I have the right to give you half of the club.” 

“Well you will, once you sign it.” Phil shifts on the bench awkwardly. “I thought it’d be safer, in case something happens to one of us.”

“Well, who owns it now?” Dan turns his face to gaze into Phil’s icy blue eyes.

“You do.” Phil tucks a curl behind Dan’s ear. 

Dan sighs. “Well, I don’t want it.”

“Then give me half.” Phil shrugs nonchalantly. 

Dan scoffs, pressing his palms into his eyes. He sniffs again, his bottom lip wobbling. “Oh, Phil, give me a pen.” He sighs. 

Phil takes a pen out of his jacket pocket and passes it to Dan, his hands still shaking. 

“I don’t need all of this, Phil.” Dan clicks the pen and stares at the dotted line designated for him.

“Oh, just sign it.” Phil sighs. He thinks it’s funny when Dan pretends like Phil doesn’t know exactly what he wants. 

They take turns signing the document, and Phil tucks it back into his jacket. 

“There. We’re partners.” Phil squeezes Dan’s knee. “You own half of my life, and I own half of yours.”

“Half of the club.” Dan stares into the street in disbelief. 

“Who cares. Take it all.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand to get him to turn his face back. “I’m forty years old. There’s only one place in the world I call home and it’s because you’re there. So take it.” 

Phil reaches into his pocket one last time. “Does it make a difference if you say I can stay or I say you can stay? It’s ours.” He pulls open the small box and hands it to Dan. “And you’re mine, and I’m yours.” 

Dan gasps, taking the box from Phil’s hands. The small ring glittered in the light of the sun, which was just getting ready to set. 

“Partners.” Phil grabs Dan’s hand. “In everything, yeah?” 

Dan nods, his eyes filling with tears again. Phil slips the ring onto Dan’s finger and pats his hand. 

“I love you.” Dan breathes. 

“I love you, doll. Always will. It’s always you.” Phil rubs Dan’s back, and pulls him in for a long kiss. Dan’s arms sweep around Phil’s neck, deepening the kiss. He eventually pulls away to gaze at the ring on his left hand. 

He smiles up at Phil, then back again at the ring. 

“Forever.”

“Forever.” He repeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr @sadlybunny


	7. preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil tells Matt’s mother not to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. sorry this took a little while longer. to be completely honest i’ve been going through some shit that i’m sure no one cares about but i still feel quite guilty bc of the few people who actually do follow this story. i’m in a really bad place mentally bc of some family stuff so i hope you’ll forgive me for the wait. it won’t happen again. this story is going to be completed no matter what, and only a few chapters are left. thanks to the few people that have stuck with me.  
> -bunny x

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lester, she just left.” The receptionist apologizes to Phil, getting ready to leave work early as her boss has just excused her. “She’s got her mobile though, if you’d like to call her on that.” 

Phil sighs. “I don’t have her number. Could you give it to me?” 

She considers it, but she’s not entirely sure of their relationship and doesn’t want to risk this job. Ms. Richmond never gave any special instructions regarding this man. “I’m sorry, I can’t give that out.” She sighs, setting down her bag and keys and taking a seat again. “She always checks in with me though, if you’d like I can take a message.” 

“Oh, please, if you could? Just tell her I really appreciate the help, and I’m very sorry but we won’t be needing her at dinner tonight.” She scribbles down onto her notepad, and slips it back into her purse. 

“Alright, Mr. Lester, I’ll let her know if she calls.” 

-

“Thank you.” Dan looks up at Phil from his spot next to him on the end of their bed. 

It was no question to Phil, really. Once he saw how hurt Dan was knowing that Kelsey would be coming, he had decided that Dan was just more important. And maybe it was stupid, but Matt doesn’t get to pick and choose his family. Especially when it comes to his father. 

“Go get dressed, doll. I’m gonna talk to Matt.” He kisses Dan’s forehead and he goes to change as Phil calls Matt in, standing to gaze at himself in the mirror. He had changed into a suit and tie, his jacket laying across the chair across from the bed. 

Matt enters the bedroom and stands in the doorway. “What’s up, Dad?” He cocks his head, clearly confused as to what his father could be calling him in for so close to the time when they expected their guests. 

Phil sighs and rubs his eyes, again. He knew Matt was going to be upset about this, but Dan mattered more. He didn’t realize that all these decisions he was making in order to cover up their lives were hurting Dan so deeply. Matt enters the room and sits on the bench near the mirror. 

“Your mother isn’t coming. And Dan is staying.” Phil stares into the mirror and adjusts his tie. “I’m not hearing anything about it.”

Matt’s eyes go wide. “Wh-why? Why would you do that?” He sputters in disbelief. “Dad. How could you do this?” 

Phil grabs his jacket from the chair and slips it on. “It was a choice between Dan or Kelsey and I picked Dan, obviously. I’ll always pick him. You can’t change that.” He emphasized those final words, hoping that Matt could see their relationship for what it really is. 

Matt’s head sinks into his hands, resting on his knees. “We should just call this whole thing off. This is never going to work if Dan is here.” 

Phil turns to Matt. “I won’t hear you speak that way about your father again. The disrespect that you’ve shown to him these past few days is unbelievable, Matt.” He sits next to Matt on the bench. “You don’t understand how hurt he was by the things you’ve said about him.” Phil drops his head too, mirroring his sons position. “I’m marrying him. I have to choose him first.” 

Matt looks a bit shocked at that confession, but maintains his composure. He opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by Dan entering the room in his suit. 

They watch Dan close the door, gesture to himself, and make his way through the room. He corrects his walking halfway through, opting for a shuffle that made him look a bit less pretentious. He sits across from them on the end of the bed, going to cross his legs but catching himself, and opting to rest his ankle on his thigh. His hand moves to support his chin, but he instead quickly crosses his arms to cover up the movement. He looks at Phil and Matt expectantly, and they stay silent. 

“What? No good?” He looks to Phil for a response, but he gets none. “I’m dressed just like you are. All my necklaces are gone. I even took off my nails.” He holds his hands up to show them. 

“What about that?” Matt points to the shining engagement ring on his finger. 

Dan shifts in his seat on the bed. “I figured I could keep it on, no?” He examines his finger and the diamond resting on it. “It’s just a ring.”

Matt sighs and rubs his temples. “It’s not just a ring, Dan. Now there has to be a whole story behind it. Who’s your wife? Why does it look like a woman’s ring? And why isn’t your wife at dinner with us?” Matt stands and walks closer to the door. “Honestly Dan, it’s like you don’t even understand the situation at all. We’re trying to hide the fact that you’re gay, remember?” His face goes red and he crosses his arms. “This is why I didn’t want you here.” 

The room is silent. Dan looks to Phil for any support, and finds none. 

“All I really wanted was to help you.” Dan stands and goes back to the bathroom entrance where he emerged from. “And you hate me. You both...hate me.” He retreats into their en-suite bathroom to change and closes the door behind him. 

“Oh, God.” Phil stands and gives Matt an exhausted look. “Dan, we don’t hate you.” He yells as he enters the bathroom behind him. Just when Phil had been able to make him feel welcome again, Matt had gone and fucked it all up. Did he still really not see how much he was hurting Dan?

Matt leaves his fathers’ bedroom and tours the house, examining the decorations. The queens and Jimmy had found furniture and decor at nearby thrift stores that had seemed bland enough for the occasion. A crucifix hung on the wall above a short shelf full of old books, and dark acacia dining table sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by fanciful chairs. The place looked like an old church, but that was better than the eccentric style it had before. 

“Jimmy?” Matt calls out. “Are you cooking dinner?” 

He hears a crash from the kitchen. “Uh...basically, yeah.” He shouts back. Matt rolls his eyes. 

He gazes at the crucifix and mutters a small prayer as a last resort. 

Suddenly, he hears a phone start to ring.  
He doesn’t recognize the number, so he decides not to pick it up, and lets the voicemail start to play out from the answering machine. 

“Hey Phil, it’s Kelsey. Annie gave me your number. I was just calling because she told me you said not to come tonight? I’ll admit I was a little shocked when I heard-“

“Uh, late.” Matt picks up the phone quickly and interrupts her. “He said not to come late.” 

“Oh, good!” Kelsey breathes a laugh. “I thought she got the message wrong.”

There’s a pause before she speaks again. “Is this Matt?”

Matt swallows. He’s never spoken to his mother in his whole life. 

“Yes.”

“Matthew. I just wanted to tell you how... happy I am that I am able to help you with this.” She pauses. “I know it’s a little late.”

“That’s fine.” Matt responds quickly. “It still means a lot.”

“Good.” The heaviness leaves from her voice, and Matt guesses she’s smiling. “Oh, my phone is about to die, darling. I’ll be there in about half an hour, alright? I’m so excited to meet you.” 

Matt lets out a breath. “Me too. See you in a half hour.” He goes to set the phone back down, but bring it back quickly. “Uh, Mum.” He hangs the phone up after letting the term of endearment slip out. 

“Excuse me?” Matt whips his head around and mumbles a quick “what?” after hearing his father’s voice. “Did you just say ‘I’ll see you in a half hour, _Mum_ ’?” 

“Yes.” Matt clears his throat and crosses his arms in defense. “She’s already on her way. You’re not calling her back.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Phil lowers his voice just above a whisper. “Dan is hysterical right now. Do you know what will happen if she comes in this house?” 

“Yeah, _he_ won’t be able to embarrass me.” He points viciously in the direction of their bedroom. “I mean, it was my mother. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her not to come.” 

Phil sighs into his hands, shaking his head. 

“Dad.” Matt places a hand on his shoulder. “She’s going to make this whole thing work. You know I couldn’t do this without her.” 

Phil looks into Matt’s eyes. He’d grown to almost Phil’s height over the years. Phil’s sure he’s going to pass him up soon. He allows Matt to pull him into a hug. 

“So this is Hell.” Phil mutters, patting Matt’s shoulder. “And there’s a crucifix in it.” 

Matt’s phone begins to ring, so Phil excuses himself to talk with Dan after he sees the caller ID. 

“Sarah?” Matt answers. 

“Matt.” She sighs. “We’re stopped at our hotel. I haven’t been away from them all day. I needed to mention something to you.” 

“What is it?” Matt takes a seat in one of the new chairs lined up in the dining room. 

“Do you remember how I told you about my dad’s partner? The one who cofounded the coalition for moral order.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Well...he died. There was a huge scandal...with a minor and prostitution or something.” 

“God.” Matt responds blankly. 

“I know.” She pauses. “There are journalists everywhere. They’re following us, I think. Trying to get a statement from Dad. I just figured I’d tell you, but I don’t think we’ll have to worry about it.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t really know how to respond. “Okay. Let’s hope it doesn’t come up.” 

“I’m sure it won’t.” She pauses. “I’m so nervous for tonight.”

“Everything will be fine, alright? My mother is coming.” 

“Oh, wow. How are you feeling about that?” 

“I’m excited, I guess.” He shifts in his seat. “She’ll make this whole thing work for us. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Matt.” She laughs. “We’ll be there soon, okay?” 

“Alright, bye love.” He hangs up his phone. 

“It’s showtime.” He whispers to himself, in true Dan fashion. Fuck. Dan. Matt hasn’t exactly been the best son to him lately. 

Well, the show must go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr is @sadlybunny


	8. put on a mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Taylors arrive for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my hair is pink now. hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> -bunny x

“Dad?” Matt calls out, having just received a text from Sarah announced that they’d be arriving in 5 minutes. 

Phil emerges from his bedroom, running his hands back through his hair to smooth it out. He had styled it back with gel for tonight to keep any unruly fringe from making him look unprofessional. His whole ensemble tonight aged him about 10 years, according to Dan. The bland suit and lack of jewelry was quite the change from his usual style. 

“Yes, yes, I’m here.” He stands with Matt in the dining room and straightens his son’s tie a bit for him. He pats his hand on the side of Matt’s face. “Don’t be nervous, love.” 

Matt smiles and takes a calming breath. He looks into his fathers eyes. “Just...try not to talk too much. Or walk. Oh, and don’t do that think where you...gesture with your hands.” 

Phil rolls his eyes. At this point, he’s used to the offensive comments his son had started making to him lately. He attributed it all to nerves. At least once this dinner was over, he was sure they’d end. 

“Right.” Phil crosses his arms as Jimmy emerges from the kitchen. “Are you ready, Jimmy?” 

He adjusts his suit and straightens his back. “Yes, sir.” He salutes at Phil jokingly. The men share a laugh, which is cut quickly by the sound of the doorbell ringing. They fall silent. 

“Get the door, Jimmy!” Matt whisper-yells at him so that their guests weren’t kept waiting. 

Jimmy runs to the front door, tripping over the new rug in the process. He quickly gets up and brushes himself off (as Matt facepalms) and runs to the door. He takes a deep breath, and pulls it open. 

“Welcome in, Taylor family. My name is James, I’m the Lester’s butler. May I take your coats?” He ushers them inside as Matt and Phil descend the steps from the dining room into the foyer. They politely hand off their coats to Jimmy, who hangs them on the coatrack near the door. 

Sarah smiles. “Matt, these are my parents. Mother, Father, this is Matthew Lester.” 

Matt politely shakes their hands. “Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.” He smiles as he greets them. “My father.” He gestures to Phil. 

“Philip Lester.” Phil smiles nervously, taking Mrs. Taylor’s hand and shaking it gently with the other covering it. 

“My daughter, Sarahbelle.” Mrs. Taylor gestures lightly to Sarah, her forced grin never leaving her lips. 

Sarah happily shakes Phil’s hand, smiling sweetly. “Sarah is fine, Mr. Lester.” 

“And my husband.” She smiles to Mr. Taylor, who has a grin plastered to his face as well. Why did these people seem so nice? 

Phil grips his hand tightly. “Extremely honored, Mr. Taylor.” He shakes his hand with a bit too much enthusiasm. 

Mr. Taylor laughs. “That’s a strong handshake you have there, Mr. Lester.” 

Phil coughs and retracts his hand. “Yes, well, you have to have one...in Greece.” He coughs again. The children force a light laugh and the Taylors go right along with it. 

“My mother won’t be here for another 10 to 15 minutes. She was visiting my grandparents, I hope you’ll forgive her tardiness.” Matt smiles, attempting to fill the awkward silence. 

Mrs. Taylor brightens. “Oh isn’t that wonderful, to keep contact between the generations.” 

Phil...really doesn’t know how to respond. How do normal people hold conversations?

“Yes.” He blanks. “Won’t you come in?” 

In complete deafening silence, the Taylors begin to follow Matt and Phil into the house, and up to the dining room. Phil leads the way, but only travels a few steps before Matt stops him. 

“How’s that leg, Dad?” He pats his shoulder, continuing to walk. He faces the Taylors. “My father has an old sports injury.” 

“Ah, I though I recognized a fellow athlete.” Mr. Taylor laughs. “Where did you play?” 

“Greece.” Phil offers. Unfortunately, at the same time Matt decides to suggest York. They share an awkward glance, but continue into the dining room. 

“Mother,” Sarah starts, walking side by side with Mrs. Taylor. “Isn’t this room lovely? The decorations are very nice.” 

Mrs. Taylor surveys the room. “Why, yes it is! What interesting furniture. And look, a bookshelf.” She crosses the room the examine the lines of old books that the queens had picked up from the thrift shop earlier today. They had laid them out on the shelves without really paying any mind. “ _Fifty Shades of Grey_?” She runs her fingers along the spines to read a group of titles. “Oh, you have the whole series!” 

Matt hold back a laugh. “Yes, they’re my mothers.” 

“Sit down.” Phil orders, probably a bit too harshly. When every pair of eyes in the room moves to him, he realizes this. “Please.” He offers, smiling awkwardly. 

Both families take their seats, and Phil calls Jimmy into the room. “How about we have some champagne, to celebrate?” He smiles at the Taylors. Jimmy enters, unprofessionally gesturing at Phil to elaborate on why he was called into the room “We’d like the champagne now, please, James.” Jimmy nods and strolls back into the kitchen to fetch it. 

“It must be such a big responsibility, two houses.” Mrs. Taylor grins at Phil. “How do you manage it?” 

“Well, Mrs. Taylor,” Matt starts for Phil. “Dad doesn’t really come here on holiday. He uses it more as a space to work, study, and pray. It’s less of a vacation house and more of a-“ 

“Monastery.” Phil cuts him off. 

“Oh, how nice.” Mrs. Taylor grins. Phil takes a moment to examine her face. The Taylors were significantly older than Dan and Phil, likely by about fifteen to twenty years. Mr. Taylor’s age showed from his thin white hair and the shiny top of his head, but Mrs. Taylors showed in her deep laugh lines and squinty eyes. She wore delicate gloves, likely to cover her aged hands, that reminded Phil of the long silk ones Dan wears for drag. She seemed extremely kind, but also naive. Phil doesn’t think that sweet, exaggerated grin has left her face since the moment they arrived. 

Jimmy returns with the champagne, and Mr. Taylor requests a scotch instead. Phil internally facepalms, he probably should’ve asked for one too, but now it would just seem weird. Can’t a father have a champagne to celebrate his son’s engagement? Jimmy serves them, and slips back into the kitchen. 

“So, how was your trip down here?” Phil asks, begging for the awkward silence to leave. 

“Oh, it was nice. Nice.” Mr. Taylor answers. Phil takes a breath, nodding. The room is silent again. Luckily, Mr. Taylor continues. “It was nice, you know. To travel. And we usually don’t come down this way. Nice, to see this beautiful country we live in.” Phil, Matt, and Sarah nod along, and Mrs. Taylor remains smiling brightly at her husband. Phil opens his mouth to speak, but Mr. Taylor continues. “Beautiful scenery. All the different people...”

Mr. Taylor drones on as the phone begins to ring. Phil waits for Jimmy to come answer it, but he must be busy making dinner because the ringing continues. 

Mr. Taylor drones on. “It’s interesting to drive through the country. You get to see a lot of people. So many houses. A lot of people live here, you know...”

The answering machine beeps, and Kelsey’s voice begins to come softly through the speaker. “Hello? It’s Kelsey. Phil? Matthew? Dan?” Matt chokes on his drink at that last name. “Guys, I’m stuck in traffic. It might be a little bit longer, so why don’t you start dinner without me?” Matt switches the machine off. 

“-And it’s amazing, the scenery. The trees. The grass...”

“Was that my wife?” Phil laughs, interrupting Mr. Taylor. “I could’ve sworn I heard- Matt? Was that Mum?” He raises his eyebrows at Matt expectantly. 

Matt leans on his chair. “Yes, uh yeah. She said she’s stuck in traffic so we should start dinner without her.” 

“Oh, I apologize. I was so caught up in Mr. Taylor’s story.” Phil smiles at the Taylors across the table. “I should tell James this news, excuse me.” Phil stands to exit to the balcony, and finds himself faced with thick red curtains that draped over the sliding glass doors. The queens must have installed them today while he was out with Dan. He wrestles with the heavy curtains, unable to find the opening, until Matt stands and quickly ushers him through. 

“Great.” Phil whisper-yells at Matt one they’re out on the balcony. “Now they either think I’m drunk, or crazy.” 

Matt laughs softly. “Let’s hope they think you’re drunk or crazy. It’s better than the truth of whatever we’re trying to pull off here.”

“I’ve never had so much in one night go so wrong so quickly.” Phil grabs Matt’s elbows to steady himself. “I never imagined it could be this bad.” 

“It’s awful.” Matt sighs, but still with a small grin on his face. “Fuck, dad. You look harrowed.” He smooths his hands through Phil’s hair, which has fallen way out of order. “And you’re sweating like crazy.”

“I’m dying. Matt, I think I’m actually dying.” Phil sits on the ground and takes deep breaths. 

“We can’t do this.” Matt laughs, sitting next to his father. 

“Are you kidding?” Phil stands suddenly and pulls Matt up with him. “Of course we can!” 

-

“I have a weird feeling that something is going on here.” Mr. Taylor whispers to his wife. 

She sips her champagne and sets it down, sighing and frowning deeply. “It’s the scandal. With your partner and the prostitute. The wife probably doesn’t want to be in the same house as us because of our association with him.” 

Me. Taylor considers it, but ultimately sighs again, taking a sip of his scotch. “It’s not that. Something about the father and the butler, I feel.”

“It’s nothing, Dad.” Sarah whispers firmly at her father. “Stop making a situation out of nothing.” 

“It is something. I swear-“

“Dad, stop.” She glares at him. “Matt’s mother is just a little late.” She crosses her arms defiantly. 

“Shh.” Mrs. Taylor sets down her glass after taking another sip. “Here they come.” She pats both her husband and daughter’s laps as she hears Matt and Phil walking in from the balcony. 

“Terribly sorry.” Phil straightens his tie as he walks behind his seat at the table. “Why don’t we give her a half hour, and if she isn’t-“

Phil stops speaking when he hears the door slam. 

“Here I am!” She makes her way into the flat. “I’m so very sorry for the wait. The traffic was terrible.” She makes her way up the stairs to the dining room as Phil, Matt, and Sarah stare in awe. 

The Taylors join Matt and Phil in standing. Mr. Taylor grins. “Mrs. Lester! Don’t worry at all, we were expecting to wait longer for you.” He beams at her and delicately shakes her hand, introducing her to his wife and Sarah. 

“Oh, Sarah. It’s lovely to finally meet you. Won’t you give me a hug?” She extends her arms for Sarah, who doesn’t move an inch. 

Sarah remains where she is, jaw agape. Matt is stunned along with her. Because the woman standing before them, is Dan. 

Phil nearly faints.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s discuss the muppets on my tumblr @sadlybunny


	9. could have danced all night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan joins the group for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: dan uses the f word, the taylors are super sexist and homophobic 
> 
> this note is just an update on my life and a bunch of excuses so if you don’t care you can skip to the end and just read the new chapter :)
> 
> okay OKAY once again, sorry!!! idek if anyone cares but basically, my life has been super busy lately. i was a live-in nanny for a little up north, with really shitty service and without wifi or my computer, and tbh i felt kinda weird about writing phanfic whilst i was also in charge of two young children. anywhoozle- i got a new laptop, which means i can STOP WRITING ON MY PHONE which was so tedious and made chapters so much harder to get out. if any of you like my writing- i am currently working on another chaptered au that i will finish writing before i release it. i have headed to ~university~ so i figure it’ll be better to write it all at once and release weekly rather than try to write new chapters every week. no spoilers but it will have something to do with a cruise ship! hopefully that sounds interesting enough. if you’re desperate for more content i recently posted a cute lil fic that gets a lil spicy at the end ;) which you can read [here](https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/25109683), and a soft lil fic of our boys ft dan crying while they bonk, read it [here](https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/25748992), and I’m posting another in a few days. anyways, you can always harass me about anything on my tumblr @sadlybunny or just say hi and we can be friends :) thanks if you actually read this, i honestly just needed to ramble for a bit lol. enjoy chapter 9!

The room is filled with silence.

Phil can barely make out Dan’s high pitched, breathy laugh from across the table. 

“Ah, she’s shy? That’s alright, darling.” Dan’s voice has taken a feminine lilt.

Mrs. Taylor stands with her husband. “Oh, I’m so glad we’re finally able to meet, Mrs. Lester.” 

“Star.” Dan corrects, momentarily forgetting that he was, in fact, not acting as his drag persona Amethyst Star, but rather a conservative straight mother who absolutely would have taken her husband’s last name when they got married. 

Mr. Taylor’s brow furrows. “Your last name is Star?” He glances over at Phil, sending him a silent question about the obedience of his wife.

Dan lets out another shrill laugh. “Oh, no, Mr. Taylor. My maiden name was Howell, but that changed twenty years ago when I married Philip, of course.” He smiles fondly at his “husband”, as if he was reminiscing on their wedding day. “I meant the pronunciation, of course. Les-star.” Mr. Taylor smiles with a nod and returns to his seat. “Imagine that, married for all those years and I refused to take his last name.” Dan crosses the room to take his seat next to Phil. “Philip would be furious, he’s quite particular about claiming what’s his.” He punctuates his sarcasm with a squeeze to Phil’s hand that makes him inhale sharply, and another longer piercing laugh. 

Matt and Sarah connect eyes across the table, bracing themselves for the awkward silence. Instead, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor join in, laughing along with Dan loudly. Phil forces a crooked smile onto his mouth and lets out a few as well. 

“Oh, Mrs. Lester, I know exactly what you mean.” Mrs. Taylor reaches her hand across the table to Dan’s. “Our men. You know, I think the reason they’re always so twisted up about marking us as theirs is because they’re scared that if they lose us, they won’t know what tie to match with their socks.” 

Dan and Mrs. Taylor share another laugh, and Dan tries to slip his gloved hand back under the table before Mrs. Taylor notices the size. “Oh, I’d cheers to that, Mrs. Taylor.” He raises his glass that was left at his seat for him and addresses the table. “But, you know, I pity the woman who can’t stay home and care for her husband. It’s my dignified honor to be able to cook and clean for this man every day.” Dan smiles at Phil and strokes his cheek with his silk hand. 

Mr. Taylor grins and raises his glass as well. “Well, cheers. I’m so glad to have met another family that shares our values. I have a great feeling about tonight.”

-

“Who lives here, then?”

“Last name, Lester. It’s the same name on the club downstairs.” He taps the gold plate next to the door that holds the name.

The second man crosses his arms. “You mean to tell me Mr. Taylor is meeting with the owner of a drag club?”

“That’s what my sources tell me. And you see his town car parked on the street.”

“Why would he go and do that?”

“Thats what we’re here to find out, obviously. This’ll be a great story if we can find anything.”

“Its funny. His partner was just caught with an underage prostitute and now he’s meeting with some gay club owner.”

“Its quite the headline.” The reporter clicks his pen and flips open a notebook. “ _Conservatives Gone Wild_.”

-

“See that’s exactly it, Mrs. Lester.” Mr. Taylor laughs heartily and grins from the seat he moved into to be closer to Dan. “That’s what I miss about the 1990s. Prayer in school. What kind of parent wouldn’t want their child to pray in school?”

“I know just what you mean, Mr. Taylor.” Dan sips his red wine.

Jimmy enters the room, only to go wide eyed at the sight of Dan in a short, curly brunette wig and a dress that his grandmother would wear. He covers his mouth, but quickly bursts out laughing. Phil stands and ushers him out of the room, muttering an excuse about Jimmy’s behavior. The Taylors weren’t paying much attention anyway, deep in conversation with his wife, Dan.

“You know what else I miss about back then? There were no gays in the military.” Phil drops the ice he returned with. “Now that, I understand the issue with.” Mr. Taylor raises his glass to be filled with more ice.

Dan’s eyebrows raise and Phil prays it wasn’t enough for him to break character. “You know, that’s how I felt. But then I learned that Alexander the Great was a fag. I mean, talk about gays in the military!” 

Phil trips over his feet while collecting the spilt ice. He clears his throat and moves to stand behind Dan’s chair. 

Mr. Taylor watches him with suspicion. “I see what’s going on here.” He states, crossing his arms.

Phils eyes go wide. “Oh?” He grips Dan’s shoulders.

“I think we’re discussing an issue here that has Mr. Lester very nervous.” He returns to his seat next to his wife. “You’ve seen the news. About my partner, and how he died.” 

Phil actually feels the weight come off his shoulders. 

“Oh, that.” Dan holds his hands to his fake bosom. “What a horrid story. Of course… we don’t believe a word of it.”

Mr. Taylor is intrigued. “You…what?”

“Well, it’s clearly a story made up to tarnish his name. I won’t believe a thing until I’ve seen an autopsy.” Dan downs the rest of his wine and prays that anything he’s saying is making sense. Phil’s grip on his shoulders tightens.

“That’s just what I said.” Mr. Taylor smiles.

“Darling, could I talk to you?” Phil leans over Dan’s chair to grab his attention.

“I mean it, Philip. How could they say such horrid things about such a wonderful man?” Dan pours more wine.

He grips Dan’s shoulders harder until he lets out a small whine. “I really must see you now, _love_.”

Dan smiles and excuses himself to follow Phil into the kitchen.

Maybe he’s taking it a bit too far.

-

The final chorus of “I Could Have Danced All Night” rings throughout the flat as each couple sings along. Matt and Sarah and Dan and Mr. Taylor have coupled off, dancing in pairs and singing along. Mrs. Taylor sits at the piano with Phil and sings along with him. Phil is surprised at her beautiful voice. 

Matt and Sarah dance slowly so they can discuss the night’s events. 

“You know,” Sarah lifts her head from Matt’s shoulder. “I hope your mother knows I intend to work once we’re married.”

Matt laughs softly. “Sarah, Dan’s not my mom. He’s a drag queen.” 

Sarah blushes. “I forgot that. He just sounds so much like a mother.” They both grin into a soft kiss.

Jimmy enters from the kitchen and announces that dinner is served. As Dan and the Taylor’s shuffle into the dining room, Phil holds Matt back. 

“I’m going to put a note on the door for your mother, so she knows not to come in.”

Matt nods and heads off to the dining room with the rest of the group. 

-

After dinner is finished, the group retires to the lounge for tea. Jimmy sets the china out and excuses himself to grab the tea from the kitchen. 

“What lovely teacups.” Mrs. Taylor smiles and lifts hers to examine it closer. “Are they Greek?”

Mr. Taylor examines his cup. “Yes, it is. What’s the design?” 

Phil blushes and stands quickly. “I’m going to check on James.” 

“Well, it looks like greek boys doing leapfrog.” Mrs. Taylor squints to examine her cup. “Sarah, dear, would you grab my glasses for me?”

Sarah leaves the room and returns not a moment later without glasses, explaining that she must have left them in the car. 

Dan clears his throat. “Yes, um, greek boys and girls.”Mr. Taylor moves the cup closer to adjust his eyes. “Well, I don’t see any girls on mine.” He reaches into his coat pocket. “Ah, I have my glasses here. Let’s see what these boys are up to.”

Just then, Phil returns from the kitchen with the tea. He fills each cup, starting with Mr. Taylor, and pours in milk to cover the design. Mr. Taylor is clearly confused, but Phil figures confused is better than horrified at the pattern on their cups. 

Dan clears his throat. “I wanted to thank you, Taylors. I loved having dinner with you tonight as one big family gathered round the table. It was just like all those years ago when I was a girl.” He smiles sweetly. 

Mr. Taylor nods. “It was the same for me. Although I must say, Mrs. Lester. It couldn’t have been long ago for you.” 

“You do look very young.” Mrs. Taylor agrees, still with a smile on her thin lips. “What year were you born?”

“1987.” Dan answers, way too quickly. He’d just admitted he was only 33. 

Mrs. Taylor clears her throat. “You had Matt… at thirteen?” 

Phil stares in horror at what Dan had said. 

Dan laughs. “I’ve had a bit too much to drink. Wouldn’t you agree, dear?” He glances at Phil for help.

Phil nods in agreement. “Yes, dear. You know you’re 42 years old.” 

“Ah, well Philip. You should never reveal your lady’s age.” Mr. Taylor sips his tea. “But I must say, Mrs. Lester, you’re a vision for 42.” 

Dan blushes. “Thank you, Mr. Taylor.” Dan rests his hand on Phil’s knee. “Look at me, forgetting my own age. I’d be lost without my Philip, wouldn’t I?”

Phil fakes a polite laugh. “Oh, you’re very bright, dear, but deep down you’re still that little girl from Wokingham.” 

Dan files that into his _List of Things to Make Phil Apologize and Do Other Things For Later_. “Yes, I suppose I am a little naive sometimes.” He pinches Phil’s knee. 

“Well, don’t be ashamed of your roots, Mrs. Lester. I’d say any place here in _our country_ ” he lightly glares at Phil, “is a damn good place to call home.” 

Dan grins. “Thank you, Mr. Taylor. I will remember that.” He stands to grab the discarded cups, leaning down to pick up a dirty napkin. He straightens and his wig slips noticeably from its position. 

Sarah stands. “Where’s the toilet?” 

Matt glances up at her. “I can show you.” 

She glares at him and focuses her eyes on Dan’s wig. “Actually, I’d like your mum to show me.” 

Phil notices the wig and walks to Dan, turning him away from the table and grabbing his cheeks. “One kiss, darling.”

“Philip.” Dan laughs with confusion and irritation in his voice. “I’m only going to the restroom.” 

Matt finally clues in to the situation and stands. “Why don’t I come too?” The three crowd around Dan to block his hairline from the Taylors and walk him to the bathroom.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor stare in awe.

“Is the rest of the flat really that big?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost done! come say hi on tumblr [@sadlybunny](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/sadlybunny).


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